Facing Fears

Thursday morning, I woke up scared. Terrified, actually, to do my workout.

 I texted my friend Jen and told her I was nervous, to which she texted back:
"why?"

And right away a flood of reasons came to my mind:
- riding for 100 miles
- in the middle of nowhere
- on a hard course
- by myself
- in the wind
- possible rain, hail, tornadoes (all of which we had had within the last 8 hours - twice!)
- did I mention I was riding in the middle of nowhere?
- bike failures
- flats
- could I do it?
- would I do it?

I texted back and forth with Jen and she gave me some courage. So, I hopped in the car and drove down to Castle Rock where I was doing my workout. On the way, I glanced over and saw a field FILLED with hail and foreboding clouds above. Great. Texted Ross to say I was starting and to "keep close" to his phone.

Maybe this wasn't the wisest decision.

I thought about my friend, Sonja, who is one BAMF. She's an amazing athlete and over the years has done tons of crazy things. But, I have to imagine, that even she was scared at some point and just went out it and did it. And then did it more. And then did it even more. And that is how she became so indestructible.

And off I went. And I went. And I went.

And being alone for 100 miles gives you some time to think and I thought about why I woke up feeling that way. Was it is a fear of the unknown? Was it is a fear of doing it all by myself? Was it a fear of pushing my limits? Was it a fear of not "successfully" completing my workout? I am still not sure. All I knew is the only way to get over that fear is to do it. So I did.

Quite proud of myself for that day. I know it is not much to many. And looking back, I still wonder why I was feeling that way, but I was. But I also got over it. As I got further along in my journey, the fear started to subside until... finally it was gone! I was doing it!

And I did. I finished. Ahead of schedule and feeling great! And odd enough, the best thing may not have been that I finished it.

Perhaps the best thing about that day is that I will carry that feeling of fear inside me. The next time I am scared of something, I have that experience and that fear to draw upon. I will dig deep and know I can face it and succeed.