I don't know why I am sharing this right now, but maybe it is because I just made a realization and I want to write about it. Divulge in it. Figure it out. I don't know.
Or maybe that it is after Packers loss (I don't want to hear it!) and I am a few glasses of wine in. #wineismytruthjuice #sadbuttrue
Or maybe it is that I am trying to get back to *who I used to be* and this is a step in the process.
Either way. Here's the... long story loooong.
I spent today organizing and cleaning out my office. BORING.
Those of you who know me (really, really) well, know that I am very visually motivated. So, my walls are often be filled with stuff to motivate and/or organize me to meet my goals -- which is the case of my office, it kinda becomes both. {I use it for both bc that's where I spend my most time.}
Ex: We redesigned our mysteries. It took a little over a year, but as we went, I put them up to show accomplishment (and motivate me to keep going). I just took this down - not all pictured.
But at the same time on another wall: Motivation for my run goals last year. (Also taken down.)
I don't know why, but I just couldn't physically remove it.
This graphic was something I nabbed from someone's FB post, maybe 18 months ago. It really spoke to me at the time bc I was struggling with some things and I wasn't sure what it was. What I was missing in my life? I had been trying so hard for awhile to return to my *happy place* and couldn't figure out how.
At the time, I was doing the whole: what made me happy in the past? Then, put those things back in my life. Etc. I'd put those things back in, but it just wasn't working. I was not feeling the same drive and passion as in the past. Followed only by the listless: What am I doing wrong?
Anyways, when I looked at this graphic, I was well into the struggle, and I saw what I was missing:
At the point of realization, I started to focus on that. But in a way, it is not something that you can really generate. Time, circumstances, and what not are what you have to work with. And, even more so, you can't force it (or it ends up even worse). So, since this realization I have been just more aware, and then trying to foster it when I see it, and I can. And, I will say, it has made a difference!
Side note: When my father visited last, out of everything in my office (and it was REALLY cluttered), he saw that, and asked me about this particular print. Which, my dad is my kindred soul, so the fact that he recognized it, and asked me about it and everything really meant a lot to me. And that I needed to keep focusing on it.
But, here's what it comes to: When I was cleaning out my office today, A LOT of things got thrown away, stored, moved around, decluttered and space made to eliminate the old and fill/leave blank to fill with new goals, desires, adventures, etc. Of all the things, the one that couldn't be taken down was that.
And, so all I can take from those and my actions, is that is something that is imperative to me that to be happy. Not only need to find, but I need to continue to foster as I keep going forward of life.
Perhaps that is where I fell short in the past. At some point, I stopped fostering my community and then, I couldn't find happiness despite my efforts to keep up with the *things/processes/etc.* that, in the past, I had attributed happiness to.
It's something to remember. And to foster. And to know that I need to keep up with my community, because, inevitably, I think this has taught me that it is the root of my joy.
Thank you for reading so far. And, if you have, I can almost 100% guarantee it is you who I am referring to in this post.
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Post note: If you are a person who has been in my life for a long time, I am not saying that you have not been a part of my community but that there was a period of time where I didn't foster that and felt kinda lost.
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