OUT of my comfort zone

So... I wrote a big long blog post, but it was wordy. Here is what it comes down to:

I am a little TOTALLY freaked out about the fact that I signed up for a 50-Miler in 2 weeks time, and I don't think I'll make it (short cutoff times I didn't realize when signing up). Needless to say, I am trying my best to do my best training to make it as far as I can in said race. Last weekend was the last long weekend before said 50-miler.

What makes good training for me? For me it is trying to "hit my goals" which I usually do best when I have thought out where I am running, course, etc. It's a mental thing. And since running is 90% mental, well...

BUT... training is supposed to be about enjoying the journey WHILE working towards my goal. And, probably more importantly, growing as a runner and a person while I do it.

So last weekend I totally 180'd. Like completely. Instead of having a clear plan with the factors under my control, I opted to go for a long run with my coach and some of her running peeps.

So, what made me do this? Basically, this:

WHAT IT COMES DOWN TO:
I am a mental case that has grown to be most comfortable knowing what I am getting myself into before committing. For me, that includes a ton of route planning.

Everything about this run scared me. 

THIS RUN I KNEW NOTHING.
- No idea where I was going
- How long I was going (I was told ~25, which was my goal)
- What kind of terrain I was running (hills? flat? climbing? I had no clue.)
- Who I was running with (were they faster? Slower? Would they be annoyed with me joining? Would I slow them down? Would they be annoyed with me slowing them down? Etc.)
The only real question I made sure was answered was that we would be able to refill water at some point. Other than that, I was trying to be easy, peesy.

Regardless, last Saturday morning, in questionable weather, I packed up my water pack, put on my big girl panties, and drove up to Boulder for a running adventure. One that was WAY OUT of my comfort zone.

I'm not going to lie, it was hard for me. But, one mantra that I have when I am scared of something that I *should* be able to do -- fake it till you make it. 

So, I did.  I went, I ran, I tried my best to keep up with the group, not slow anyone down, be chipper and fun (despite my worries that I would bonk). And, don't get me wrong, I had a great time. The people were amazing and nice, the terrain was ABSOLUTELY gorgeous. (I don't run much in Boulder, so it was a treat for me!)

 It wasn't till mile 18 when, after I felt like we should be going down and we just kept climbing, climbing, climbing that I kinda lost it.  I asked if we had "8 miles or less left" - just so I could mentally prepare myself - and there was a big, long pregnant pause (which I took to mean, "OH heck no! We've got WAY more than that!"). So, that was playing in my mind and about 1/2 mile later, Cindy asked how I was doing, and I burst out in tears. Yep. Turns out I am not so good at faking it till I make it. I had about 15 seconds of tears and let the girls know that what was going on in my head. They were totally supportive and assured me that I was doing good, not slowing them down (LIES!), and figured out how much farther we really had, so I could then mentally plan for the end. Which was really all I needed. And, then we continued on, and I had a big weight lifted that (1) I could do this and (2) they were there for me.

Turns out, I am not good at faking it till I make it, but in the end, it is what got me out there and 75% of the way through my run.

LESSONS LEARNED:
- I CAN do hard things that have a lot of unknowns. And I shouldn't shy away from them in the future. It will only make me stronger.

- Sometimes I need to lean a little (not a lot) on those around me. Or maybe just ask for what I need without worrying if I will come off as needy.

In my attempt not to slow them all down (which I totally was), I didn't take too many pictures. So... here is what I got.

BTW, this story did not surprise my running BFF, bc he knows me so well. He totally saw this all coming and burst out laughing when I recounted it for him this week.